"Everyone grows up", so the saying goes. In reality, I think some people just don't or perhaps they simply refused to. However, most comment or look at this from a negative perspective, which is really a prejudiced opinion. For example, "so and so is really immature, he/she needs to grow up." While this may be the case for some, it simply isn't true for everyone.

Why am I harping on this? Because I suppose I see myself in that way and am kinda conflicted now. I've got comments that I'm a lot different from my school days, but me being me I don't really see the changes. The other reason is because I have people commenting like "you still play games and watch 'cartoons'?" followed by comments on how childish it is and that I should grow up and work hard to make money or whatever. Really, "old" doesn't begin to describe their mentality, "ancient" would be a more accurate word.

*sigh* Looking at this, I haven't blog in quite a bit. I like the fact that my blog doesn't really have much readers (if any at all) and that's a good thing; I get to rant and to sort of "talk" to myself. In a way I guess it helps me sort out my thoughts easier. Not that it ever helps with the countless problems in life but hey at least I can look back some day and read about these issues I had to go through and hopefully reflect on how I managed to get out of it or overcome it. Me being positive now eh? That's so not me I guess. I may not be as bad as Zetsubou Sensei's Itoshiki Nozomu, but I admit I'm quite the negative guy.

Things haven't been ideal, one of the reasons why I really feel like I need a change. For one, I got into a bit of a problem recently that once more highlighted how shitty the media industry in this country can be. When vendors try to force you to shower them with praises they don't deserve, I'm sure you'll start feeling disillusioned like I am right now. Why is it different from other countries? Because other magazines in other countries simply do not need advertisers for their mag to survive, the popular ones that of course.

So what do I mean? You've noted my other complains about my job before, like the low pay for increasing workloads and me realizing that I don't really seem to be going anywhere. Yesterday, I was looking around at Lowyat's pricelists again, trying to balance a good PC rig with reasonable prices for all categories I want. Results is the budget worked out to be close to RM7k, which is money I definitely do not have. Add to the fact that I have more and more things to pay nowadays as well as a lot of things I really want to get, the conclusion is simple: I need a different job with a higher pay. That or I need to get more merc jobs. To summarize things, I want a certain lifestyle and fact is in this time and age lifestyle=money.

Of course, it's not just all about what I want and the lifestyle I desire, there are necessities as well. What necessities? Not urgent at the moment, as with everything else I WANT. But what I would eventually NEED is my own house and my own car. I came up with a very rough and random estimation for the salary range I need to be in to be able to get all these stuff before I'm 30, it should be at least RM5,000/month, or a net salary of (minus EPF and all that mandatory stuff) RM4,500. Wow, that's a shit load of money that I can never imagine myself ever having.

Still, you want lifestyle? You want to live alone without your parents bugging you about church and all that nonsense? Well, fork out the cash and then society will talk with you.

Too much potato is a bad idea

The author currently has what he calls too-much-cheesy-wedges syndrome. "Note to self: never eat too many cheesy wedges at one go or a single day for that matter." he mumbled to himself. He had been feeling particularly poor as of late, especially after loaning his dad 2000 bucks. He wanted a new audio headphone, but he probably has to hold it off for awhile now.

Maybe there are generous people out there who will donate him their used AKG K 514, he thinks. Highly unlikely, but it's never wrong to have dreams, even ones as trivial as this. A used audiophile headphone is likely to be better than a brand new one as well, as he wouldn't need to wait for its sound quality to 'mature'. Maybe someone will donate their used bass guitars and amps to him as well! Now that's a bigger dream and even less possible. "Dream on." says a friend, cruelly pouring ice water over the authors enthusiasm.

He sighs, there are so many things that he wants yet can't afford; that has been the story of his life. He has a younger brother who is rebellious instead of a younger sister he can dote on. Nor did he grow up with a dojikko meido serving his every (with exception) needs or a silver spoon in his mouth. "C'est la vie!" say the French. The author will just go with, "life sucks that way."

Updated my anime list on MyAnimeList

Yes stop laughing at the title you numbskulls! I've decided for certain posts and announcements I'll revert to writing in first person; it's easier that way. Anyway for shinigami knows how long, I've finally decided to update my list on yes: MyAnimeList. It comes to a staggering 90+ series (including normal series, OVAs, movies) watched and I'm very sure I missed quite a few.

Well it's easier to see for yourself. I've included the link in my side bar since way back but in case you are retarded or something (I'm sure I dunno any retarded friends so....unless you aren't my friend) I'll make it even easier for you. Click >>>>>>>>>> HERE.

P.S: If you still can't see the link, come and find me. I'll be sure to greet you with a shotgun to put you out of your pitiful existence.

The author was perplexed. He was perplexed at how people can slave away for years, doing low paying jobs that they couldn't stand or bosses that they hated with their guts. He can't do it. Calling him an unmotivated individual when it comes to many things was a gross understatement, one of those things being jobs. To be specific, jobs he didn't like.

The author realizes that he is naive and childish to hope that everything will always go his way. That he can find a job he'll be happy with in every sense of the word, but for satisfaction of the job fulfilled as well as the pay. Of course, things don't work that way; they never do and he realizes that. Often in the country he lives in, one would work for a lousy boss who pays dirt even when one works till they drop. They also find that they don't enjoy their job or do not agree with parts of it. But as the saying goes "those who don't work, don't eat." and that is unfortunately very true.

The author only wanted to do things for himself. There is nobody else in his life that matters unfortunately. He'll gladly assist his friends if they ask for help but he hasn't known anyone who he'll go out of his way to help even if they don't ask for it. Maybe there are, but he isn't so sure. A sad and lonely existence is it not? Some just find him gloomy. Some just can't understand him. The author may not be an extremely self-centered person, but it would be a lie to admit he is not.

He wanted to open his own shop some day, maybe one that deals with anime merchandise, maybe a game shop; he hasn't really put much thought into it. Whatever the reason, he wanted to work for himself and do something he enjoy. He wanted the job to pay well and be enjoyable at the same time. When he thinks about it, mere dreams are what they seem. However, dreams he has and those are what we wants to see fulfilled. Tall order? Maybe. Impossible? Definitely not. Everything else really depends on a myriad of factors. One day, it just might work out.

What's he really thinking about? He's not so sure himself sometimes. Oh well, it'll all work out somehow.

The author was staring at the ceiling in his office. He had been staring at it for a full minute. To some he looked pensive and to others, deep in thought; in reality he had been spacing out. The author was not feeling well again, as he is prone to getting minor illnesses.

Today he was feeling sluggish mentally. He came into the office feeling cold. The air-conditioner was fixed just the day prior but now ironically he doesn't need it. He has his jacket on and the air-conditioner is off but he still feels cold; maybe he's sick.

His thoughts wandered listlessly again as he recalled the successful use of a Garmin GPS device the other day. He had to go somewhere and had even left early to give himself a margin of time in case he got lost; turned out that wasn't necessary as he got there TOO early and had to wait for an hour for the event to start.

He thought hard again, trying to recall anything that's significant enough to pop into his mind. He thought of how he now has a bit of interest in playing a musical instrument, perhaps the bass guitar. However, he was advised to try something 'easier' to which he wondered: "Just what is easy nowadays anyway?"

He thought of that somewhat airheaded girl he had the misfortune of falling far. The misfortune was that it was another thing that was "not meant to be", as his friends would say. He had gotten over her, at least mostly; but still he continued to harbor feelings for her, though he realize it'll never be.

He thought of his career and his job, the novelty and freshness of it long gone. Buried and dusted by the pressures of unwanted workload and unpleasant feelings of being unappreciated. But toil he must, for what other choice does he have currently? He wanted to open a shop he thought; a shop that deals in something he loves very much but...money is a big issue.

He thought of many things again, as he always does. Sometimes it's that cute response from a certain brunette, or perhaps the fantasy and mythological things he loves to read and research on, or at times even the philosophies of life.

Heck, he thinks too much.

The author sat on his office chair, musing in silence as his computer's music player plays sad songs in the background. His mind wandered as he thought of how he is now using Foobar 2000 instead of Winamp, for quite some time now, all thanks to a recommendation from a net friend he has and probably never will meet in real life.

That's how he is, his mind often wanders from one thing to another, and maybe this new way of blogging makes it easier to express even the most mundane and inconsequential matters. He shrugs as he's reminded of the pile of work waiting for him, demanding him to activate the typing/writing version of Unlimited Blade Works and hack his workload down to size, figuratively speaking of course. However, he's been slightly under the weather lately due to the heat so he thought he should take it easy after working hours. Besides, he doesn't bring work home so no point worrying about it.

The author thought about the things that happened lately. Fact is he's really tired now after work and can't really gather his thoughts or consider all that has happened, even if they mostly are small matters. The author stood up intending to leave the office and return home, where he can pick up where he left off from The Last Remnant or perhaps finish off that visual novel he's been reading/watching.

M woke up blearily as he stared at the ceiling above him. It was Monday and his mum came to wake him up, to which he was surprised since she should have been at work by then.

"Don't you have to go to work already?" she said as he blinked in confusion.

"Wait what time is it?" he groaned as he fumbled for his mobile phone, something he has used as a replacement for a proper watch since his last wrist watch decided to expire on him. It read 10:03 am.

M shot up immediately, realizing he overslept and growled at the mobile phone, which stayed silent and had stayed silent the whole morning. "Damn alarm didn't ring! I must have forgot to set it." He got out of his bed grumpily as he began the task of facing the day every working adult dreads. Work he thought, is such a drag.

Only thing to look forward to that day was the bi-annual promotion at a sushi restaurant franchise. Sure it was the franchise's way of 'getting rid of stock', but when one prefers the cooked/smoked sushi over the raw ones, it really doesn't matter all that much.

Work was as expected, a drag. The dreadful Monday blues as the entirety of the working population worldwide calls it, is a psychological effect that doesn't dissipate despite knowing about it. Regardless, M motivated himself by thinking of how he'll soon be able to sit on his comfy new chair in his computer room while attempting to bring his 'to be completed' games list down by a number.

Day wasn't too bad, at least there's a stack load of games waiting at home.