Just one more post...
Before I hit 100, after like what? 3 years? Most of my old blogs died in a few months, this one managed to keep its head above the water for quite awhile now.
Anyway, I'm only posting because I've got stuff to get off my chest (as usual) and posting on facebook is not a smart idea; nor feasible, in hindsight. I've been thinking about the phrase "opposites attract" for the past 2 days. Personally, I've always felt that line isn't entirely true. Attraction in itself is very subjective, and some people only get attracted to people who are on the same 'wavelength' as they are. But when you analyze the phrase it actually makes a lot of sense; some people are attracted to others who are totally their opposites. Why? One theory is that because they actually find themselves lacking, or don't really like their own selves. They look for someone different from them, to drag them out of their morbid lifestyles perhaps, or to bring them down to Earth. When you think about it, there's just too many possibilities.
"What's your type?" is an often asked question, and in truth it never stays the same for most. In some cases, one may be attracted to different types of people, simply meaning that they appreciate different qualities in a person. Is that how two-timing comes about? Well, I rather not answer that question. It'll seem like I'm making an excuse for the two-timers out there. What's my type? A few I suppose. I've always thought that I'd prefer a girl who is quiet and smart, yet cute at the same time. Further back in secondary school, I had a list of requirement that would never have been fulfilled by any person in this world.
In my defense, everyone would wish for the perfect gf/bf at one time in their life, no? After my failure earlier this year, I've come to realize that the quiet type may not be the one for me. After all, if we both suck at talking and communicating, it wouldn't be much of a relationship would it? Besides, she didn't have the smarts and intelligence that I appreciate in girls. In short, I despise airheads, and she is quite close to being one.
Then I thought, maybe an outgoing girl with street and book smarts would be more attractive. To be honest, it does seem that way. For one, she'd knock me out of occasional 'black moods'; I call them my personal version of PMS, minus the menstruation and pains, with very erratic life cycles. Two, she'd help me make more friends in a day than I would be able to in a year. Three, she'd help me get into things I'd never try and get me to enjoy doing it (I think. I'll probably draw a line somewhere). Four, she'll be doing all the work while I lay down and enjoy the ri- *shot in the head with a magnum*
*revives* Ahem! Went astray for a bit there... Anyway, I won't say this is THE type that I like but A type of girl I've come to like. However! But! しかし！Tetapi!
*pauses* I guess I'm long winded as usual. I've even sidetracked; the original reason I felt like blogging was because I had a problem gnawing at the back of my mind. I've realized after so many years that I still dunno what people feel when they take the plunge to confess to another. Is it merely a crush or something more? A crush can also evolve to that something more, no? But I suppose that is only if they get to know the person more. What constitute a 'crush', 'affection', or even 'love'? Do those fairy tale and romance novel kind of relationships even exist in real life? I have so many queries, but no answer.
*another pause* What? You are amazed at how curious I can be at weird and overly philosophical matters? Hello~~what's the title of my blog? It's the way I'm wired. *shrugs* As I was saying, all I've ever felt was what people always tell me is "just a crush" so I can clearly tell when that's all it is. Lo and behold I now have another crush! Bad news it is, I say! You ask why. For the simple reason that I know that this will just not work out. There's a line here, one I will not cross.
Which brings to mind another question, "what is a relationship that is more than just friendship, but not exactly to the next level?" Or to put it more accurately, if I were to only go for something more than just friendship but keep myself in check and know where the lines are, what do you call a relationship like that and is it ok? Deep down I know the answer for the latter is a resounding no, that's why I dare not ask her about it.
What do you do when someone is just that way, very friendly, and you just happen to get charmed that easily? That person is just being extra friendly because they have grown to be comfortable with you but definitely don't think of you that way. Next comes the bummer: that person is attached! All I can do is just shake my head and hope these unhealthy feelings are gone with time.
It's been awhile since I've been as long winded as this but I feel I really needed an outlet, even if it doesn't really help alleviate the problem/issue. Hopefully, my cold and logical analysis here will remain and remind me that these feelings are only momentary and fleeting. I mustn't do anything that will destroy our friendship, or cause something irreparable to happen; I'll only suffer from it. For now, I really need to concentrate on work and hopefully start to get things done tomorrow.