Restlessness

I bet people must have thought I'm gone for good by now. But if there's one thing you can never do then it's writing me off from blogging anymore. Somehow I'll just get the urge to put every now and then. Though as my hobbies, priorities at work, and responsibilities get in the way, it's getting increasingly difficult to spend any decent amount of time on writing my own stuff or blogging anymore. Heck, I've been way behind my own little story project. All I've got is the boniest skeleton of a concept and nothing else.

I digress, but the bottom line is I blog when I feel like it, which unfortunately isn't all that often lately. Without realizing it, I have already been working in my current company for over 3 months. As some of my friends will tell you, I'm pretty insecure with my life, and I'm pretty surprised that I'm still here. In any case, if things go well I'll be getting my confirmation soon. Let's hope I get a significant pay rise.

What to say? Well one thing I've realized is how many people are hypocrites, whether intentional or not. Sad thing is though when you realize it but keep on with it anyway, you are being an intentional hypocrite. Though that being said, sometimes you want to deny it, and try as you might you can't so it becomes as if you are a hypocrite. Confusing? Here's a prime example: Christians. Christian hypocrites probably make the worse hypocrites ever. They'll go about telling how people will go to hell if they don't believe in their religion but behind that goody-two-shoes exterior is someone just as sinful and corrupted as the so-called, "dirty sinners" out there. Why do I realize that? Because I came to realize one day how hypocritical the whole concept of religion had become and I was slowly becoming the kind of person I hated. Suffice to say I can't be bothered by religion anymore.

To elaborate, I've had so-called "friends" in church once. They love to act like they are holier-than-thou, but are no better than everyone else outside. Some cuss, smoke, drink, mix with the wrong crowd, are boastful, arrogant, disgusting, and the list goes on but to be honest what I've always hated was the fact that hypocrites are trying to act exactly like I've mentioned: the holier-than-thou attitude. Why I bothered to associate myself with that rabble is something I still wonder.

Let's get back on track now. I will have to admit sometimes life can get a bit rough, and we humans are affected by conflicting emotions. Take a bachelor; he longs for company, a girlfriend, someone who will understand him, whatever. But at the same time, he appreciates being single, loves his freedom, and prefers not to be shackled down by relationships. Try as he may, he can't decide between one of the two, so you get someone who's always telling you how freedom is great but then at times that he's lonely and wish he had company in the form of a girlfriend. Sounds ironic eh? Am I similar? I must admit I am. Am I in denial? Am I indecisive? (about whether I wanna get a gf or not) Or am I just plain uninterested?

When I think about it though, there hasn't been any girl that I've been seriously interested in for the past 5 years. Yeah, so much exposure outside and I've yet to find someone I can click with. Nevermind all the ogling I do. Eye candy remains eye candy if they don't fulfill my other criteria for a gf. ;) In any case, as the title says I've been really restless lately as I struggle with some of the questions like these. My parents were never impressed with the idea of having girlfriends when I'm young. Still, they were more or less liberal about it, and never confronted me about issues like this back in secondary school even though they clearly believed I had one. Some people just don't seem to believe in strong platonic friendships between guys and girlse. *sigh*

Oh well, I'm sure I'll work it out some day and maybe I'll miraculously find someone that fits my bill though honestly that might be nigh impossible. As my friend would say, "get ready to stay single your whole life with that kind of criteria." *shrugs* Somehow it doesn't bother me really. But really if I ever find a girl like that you bet I'll treasure her. If you are interested to know my crazy list of criteria, look me out someday and we'll talk about it over a cup of tea; your treat. ;)