At one point I felt that I probably won't be blogging anymore. But here I am again, early in the morning with all these unnecessary thoughts in my head. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just weird in that sense...never mind that, I digress.
After more than a month away, and working at my current company for more than 2 months, I realize how much things really change. Life isn't about, "what should I eat tomorrow?", or "what do I do for the whole day tomorrow?" Nowadays it's more like "what should I do with the remaining time I will have tomorrow?" Time has become a scarce commodity, and I'm in no way comfortable with that. Still, it is inevitable, and eventually this would have happened. But there's no helping it when every now and then I feel that I really didn't spend my youth properly, and now I'm kinda regretting it.
Regrets aside, I REALLY should stop digressing and get to the point on hand. So every now and then, I think about random things, and there are times I get depressed as a result. Don't ask why, I find it weird myself. If you want to put it into words...I suppose in Chinese it's what you would call "胡思乱想"? Regardless, I'm in such a mood today morning, which makes me wonder if I can work effectively today. But even with me being like this, work must be done. Life goes on and the people around me move along, often ignoring my feelings; for that's how the world is. Cruel as it may sound, this is reality, and if you won't move people are just going to walk right over you.
Of late, I often wonder, what is all this justice crap that we hear about? As kids, we only believe that the good guys are the superheroes who will bring justice, and the bad guys are the moronic looking evil monsters that are out to destroy something, thus deserving punishment. But as you grow up, this great lie and illusion on the grand scheme of things in life dissolves faster than butter left inside a microwave set to max temperature. Now, especially at my age, to hold such a definition of justice is folly beyond folly. If you don't realize it sooner, not only will your delusions be shattered in the most painful way, but something irreversible might happen and by then it will be too late.
As one progresses through life and experiences many different things, the fine line between justice and injustice becomes blurred. Who is just and who is at fault? Sometimes, we just throw our hands up and give up. We no longer know what/who is wrong or right, and there's a risk that someone will force their definition of justice on you. Thus, factions appear. Whether it be political or religious, factions exists because of this fact. Someone is willing to believe what another says, and follow the other person's lead, whether they realize it is right or wrong is not the issue. The issue is how strong they believe in the goal, and the truth that they are fighting for or upholding. And if they do, they will believe that it is right, regardless of moral or social implications.
But talking about it can be pointless. Why? Even if you ask me what I think on this, I seriously don't know. I myself, do not have something I believe in myself with all my heart. Not even some of the crap we hear week in week out. Been there done that. What else is left for someone as seemingly confused as I am? Well, that's something I'm trying to figure out myself.