Can't understand why, but I guess thats just how it is

You know how sometimes you feel a bit torn about which stance to take? Guys like to say "I don't need a gf." and you wonder if its that or that he just can't get one. Or maybe thinking that being single is not that bad and all, but now and then that pang of loneliness comes and you just hope you have a special someone to spend your time with.

Someone once said to me, humans are like that. Humans can't run away from the need of companionship. They crave attention, however little it may be. They crave recognition, for what they do. So the question is, is it wrong to lie to yourself and say you don't need that kind of companionship, even if deep down you crave for it?

I wouldn't say I crave for it, but sometimes you just wonder I guess. Its really funny how humans can be so indecisive. Maybe the perks of being single is worth being alone, but still some one to have someone to tell their funny stories to, someone you call every now and then to talk about what's going on. I guess good/best friends work too, but does it always? It might I think, I once had a friend like that, but we somehow drifted apart due to our individual lives. Kind of sad eh?

I'll be graduating in about 2 months time or so, and it really amazes me how time flew. Sometimes the passage of time can just go by like that, you blink and suddenly you're in your early twenties. Because of that, you wish you have someone by your side, recording every moment of it. Sure life is full of ups and downs, more downs for some, and more ups for some. Can't be help, this world isn't fair. Whoever told you the world will turn right side up because its round should go fly a kite, lol.

Opinions differ, that's why we have individuals. The world would be a sad sad place if everyone is the same. Imagine everyone thinking Barney is their best friend. *shudders* You get friends who say "girls are troublesome, don't bother", and friends who say "I enjoy being with my gf". Then of course you get the total opposite, singles who can't get any gf, and people who are having a hard time dealing with their gf.

Really, 22 years of living, and I honestly still don't understand how girls think. Its like what a character in a story I once read, said "just when you think you are starting to understand them, they go and do something that changes your understanding of them completely. Its like one big fun game for them, like the boys must never understand them to keep things interesting." Then when things get screwed up they blame you for not understanding them, man I seriously don't comprehend.

Its really not surprising why some people can't decide whether they want to pursue a romantic relationship or not, because of the above reasons. Guess people look at some and wonder why they can be so happy and comfortable with what they have. If you ask me, maybe they aren't any better off, its just that they learn to cope with it better and accept things as it is. An admirable trait in a human being, bordering on extinction.

So where do I go? I guess you could categorize me as one of those who can't really decide whether they are happy being single or not. I keep thinking that my graduation is nearing, time just went by like that without anyone sharing it with me.

My parents only care about the results, me graduating and getting a job, and not the process. If you want me to be honest, they failed as parents in many respects. I want to believe they try their best, but sometimes its just so hard.

My brother doesn't talk to me much, he's just like me when I was younger, friends only no family. But I guess I'm not in position to comment on that.

My best friends have drifted so far from me, and one of them doesn't even know I'm about to graduate in a few months time. Its sad really, for communication is two ways, and I'm just as guilty for not keeping in touch. I haven't made any new friends whom I can share my troubles with, and as a person I think thats sad, because when you are stressed and all you have no one to go to.

I guess this is the reason for my broodiness. Being left alone, humans grow to doubt their own worth. In the end, where will one find refuge when there is no one offering? Do my parents see my worth for what it is? Not demanding more than I can give? I feel rather uncertain about my future, when I was told to prepare my resume before I even graduate, I looked at myself and I asked what I can put in it. I came up with nothing.

I think I know how Peter Pan feels now. Growing up isn't fun, and it'll never be. But look on the bright side, at least you grow to see things more clearly. Experience teaches a lot after all, and exposure to the world for a long time is certainly the best teacher. What I hope is, life would really turn right side up for me some day. If it doesn't, I'm gonna tell the next person who gives me that bullshit to go fly a kite.