Ever Present Curiosity

I like to stone.

Monday, October 08, 2007


The due date fast approaches, and I'm still struggling to complete the last part of my system. I'm starting to panic, fear grips my soul, and terror has taken a hold of my heart. The feeling deep down, that this is it. The money spent on my education, is looking like the worst investment on anyone's part, for the sole reason of the consequences of my choices.

My face burns with shame at my inability, my pride sullied by none other than my own helplessness, my confidence rattled by the brutal passage of time, all which have done nothing but to emphasize how monumental changes come with choices you have never deemed to follow through properly.

I won't be the first, nor be the last, to taste that griping fear, to feel as if an evil entity has snaked its hand around my heart. Squeezing, tormenting, eliciting terror most profound. It draws the air from my lungs, and fills it with that which poisons me, the poison known as cruel reality. When all one can do is stare on in uncertainty even as time draws close, what then?

If the reversal of the passage of time ever be permitted, more so than ever, I would have desired to start over. So strong, is my regret. I must see the cruelty that my decisions have wroth. For what I see, is that the negatives have long tip the balance. If possible, may this life had not exist, that I not shame my parents with my incompetence. If God ever exists, this is my fervent wish. However, the soul that has been betrayed, shall no longer be so easily fooled.

I must survive the consequences of my own attitude and choices, I must bear the burden of my own uselessness, I must pay the price for my lack of drive and believe. It is now all inevitable, I can only salvage what I can. Should I be successful in salvaging whatever I can to carve a path to a future that I desire, it shall be my greatest achievement in life. But for now that which I have foreseen years ago, was never what I wanted.

I only wish to be able to survive in life, and continue to do what I've always liked to do best. But when all is said and done, no one can grant any wishes...but those who dare wish and dream themselves. That is, the poison that is the cruel reality of this word. Dreams and wishes exist, fairy tales...don't.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Fall 2007 anime season

The new anime season approaches as my FYP reaches its final stages. I'm hard at work (really!) and trying to complete something I'm suppose to consistently do within 8 months, in 3 weeks. (yea like I care if you sue me)

I'm about 30-40% done, and the rest will come smoothly with the completion of the SMS component. Simple enough no? Well never mind that.

I just checked Random Curiosity (link on my sidebar) today and saw the fall season's list there so I decided I'll post it here. The descriptions are brief of course, and ultimately its up to you to go find out more of a series by yourself, if you are interested that is.

So without ado, I link to you, the fall season's list!

Have a look. I haven't really decided which series I would watch other than Shana II, Gundam 00, and Ghost Hunt. But I'll probably end up watching up to a total of 10 series, though I may drop one or 2 along the way depending on its appeal.

FYI, I've dropped Hayate the Combat Butler and Nagasarete Airantou for the summer's season. The repetitive and lame jokes were starting to bore me, as well as the stupid nose bleeding in Airantou. You'd thought the main lead would have died from blood lost already. >_> See my anime list to find out which moronic or stupid series I've decided to drop.