Tension+frustration+boredom=not very happy blogger

You know people often say how personal opinions are just that, personal? Don't mind me, that just came out of nowhere. If there's one thing that people who read my blog regularly would know, it's that I tend to just type whatever comes to mind, which is why I don't normally bother with post titles. Since they end up not relating to the contents of the post anyway. *rolls eyes*

Anyway I've been getting really tensed up and often very emo nowadays, due to many reasons. One of them being the MLM people being very active again nowadays thanks to the impending economic recession. They seem to think that MLM will save their asses and give them a good life. Heck who doesn't want a comfortable life or don't want extra money? I sure do. But I can guarantee that as nice as the MLM people make it sound, it's just NOWHERE near as easy as they try to convince it to be. After having this same classmate suddenly call me up so often for the past few weeks, I gave up and decided to give him some time, thinking it was just some banking crap cuz he works for one. Damn I wish I never gave him the chance. Lesson learnt, never give any time to someone who you really don't know all that well but suddenly calls you up all the time to meet up for "yumcha". A bit too late though and I'm struggling to get him off my back. Darn persistence roaches.

The other is something that has been confusing me for the past few weeks. There's this girl I've been trying to court and for some reason I just dunno what to make of it right now. I'm not getting any hints that she got my hints so I get real tensed. Yes, I'm afraid that I might get rejected, but at least I want to know if I'm getting a positive response or not. However, she's not avoiding me or anything and seems to talk to me more, which really just makes me all the more anxious. What is going on in her mind? What does she feel about me? Does she even realize this dorky geek is trying to capture her heart? Dammit! Give me a bat now so I can beat myself senseless! At least I won't have to suffer this...this...uncertainty, this anxiety.

Rejection after rejection had actually conditioned me to not hope or expect too much from it. Yes, I know that's a very negative way of thinking. But it's just the way I had managed to get back on my feet after all of them. You'd feel just as shitty when the girl you like tells you that you have no "redeeming features". WTF do you think I am? An iPod? I guess it was just the wrong time to go for girls, since at that time all those airheads could think of is Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom. And unfortunately that became a benchmark for them.

Putting that aside, here I get the girl giving off what I think are subtle hints every now and then. Going back to the beginning of this post, it could very well just be my opinion, my viewpoint; or if you want to be mean, me being "perasan". She talks to me more often and we do have a lot of common interests. Then sometimes our eyes may meet and I get the feeling that she's smiling ever so faintly. Maybe again I'm just being perasan, or she's silently laughing at my pitiful attempts at courting her; I just don't know anymore.

I've always said that, life never gets easier, it only gets harder. And now I can safely tell you that life can also become so complicated and confusing, that I now understand why people just can't take it anymore.

Life, is just so full of shit.