Ever Present Curiosity

I like to stone.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Time sure...

"Flies! Yeah I know I know!" Well pardon the cliche and overused phrase but with the new year just over the corner, I can't help but feel that the year seriously blink passed without me really holding much of it in memory. 2008 has been an eventful year and yet were you to ask me what part of it was the most significant I can't really tell you. If I were force to make a choice, I suppose me going into the publishing/media industry and joining my current company will be the most significant one; in more ways than one, my life had changed and is still continuing to change I believe.

In 2008 I became part of the media and found that I loved the industry very much (even though my job could be really stressful), never mind the fact that it is largely unrelated to what I've studied all these years; my parents don't mind and that's the most important thing. I met lots of new people, especially some I've come to consider really close friends. I found more people who were passionate about the same things that I'm passionate about and it made me feel that I had found kindred spirits. I also got to attend events and press launches, traveled to other states in Malaysia and gone on a wonderful company trip. All these and yet unless I sit down and contemplate, I really wouldn't feel that I've accomplish anything this year.

I've also rediscovered love and became so smitten with a really wonderful girl, so much so that I know I'll be heart broken when I do eventually hear the negative answer I'm starting to believe I will get. Sometimes I think to myself about what I've missed out on all these years. I've kept my distance with people and I found I became a very dull and unhappy person. But because I've also rediscovered the pains and uncertainties that comes with these feelings that I realize why I've kept to myself all this while; it truly is a dilemma I won't come to understand anytime soon.

I've started working and earn my own money, as well as understood that with it came a lot of new responsibilities. Now I have finances to take care of like my traveling expenses, daily meals, overtimes, and I have to start paying my study loan off soon. Plus, I need to watch how much I spend every month now; I need to make sure I save money consistently, spend my money wisely, and also know when to indulge once in awhile. In truth, I've managed to cope but I do know now how tough it is to live in today's society without a job and an income. That said, I truly wish I could get a better pay but circumstances (as well as people) dictates otherwise.

Honestly if you ask me, what's good about 2008 and what's bad? I really don't know. All I know is I see 2009 looming over the horizon and I hope that things will continue to become better, not worse. In my heart, I do wish that some things will go my way and that one if not some or all of my current wishes will be fulfilled; this one greatest wish of mine.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Once again I realize...

That I have a very fragile heart. Things are never easy and I wouldn't expect it otherwise (even if I wish it were). However, certain preconceptions or should I say assumptions were crudely shattered recently in light of new information that I have received; in English, I was told otherwise regarding something that I thought was not. And in even simpler terms, I was told that the girl I'm crazy about was not single as I've believed and that she considers our 1-yr age gap to be a very possible obstacle in her ever taking an interest in me. Again in simpler terms it means that she feels that I might not be very matured due to that 1-yr gap.

So where does that leave me? Very uncertain, even more confused though it sure does seem as if I don't have to be. After all, if she wasn't really interested, those so called 'signals' were nothing more than my own imagination. Thinking positively for once (whoa me thinking positive!?) this doesn't mean that I've given up on the chase yet. I should still have an outside chance of capturing her heart and by all means I'm going to grab whatever chances I get.

That said, I still got depressed after the news and still am for the past week or so. Maybe it has all been for naught, maybe I'm just wasting my time. But when I think about it, does it really matter? Even if it were so, I've managed to piece myself back together after every time my stupid fragile heart got shattered and got on with my life. But truly, I'll never be able to find another person like her. After all, we humans are all unique.

As usual you can probably tell that I don't really know what I want to say, and really as I've always said, I'm an impromptu blogger. I don't really plan what I want to say before hand. Question here now is, if there's someone you find that you really like but it turns out she is somewhat attached, will you be the type of person who would "just do it" and...I dunno..."spanar"/throw a wrench in other people's relationship?