Rawr! Nice boat.

School Days finale floating around anime blogs. To be honest, its not pretty. But then again, Makoto deserved to die. (Wait, what am I saying?)

The black coloured blood is a bit disconcerting though. Probably a result of the teenager trying to kill dad case in Japan.

Source: Go google for it or check random curiosity. The link's in my sidebar.

Writer's Block 1

Ahhh! I've been infected by the infamous writer's block! I'm stuck on my writing of a short piece I'm working on.

Never mind that I don't have enough idea and information about certain characters, I don't even know how to work with the ones I have. (yes its a fanfic) This cannot be! As some overly 'siao' people I've seen lately would say, "The pen is the writer's soul which would pierce the heavens! break the writer's block!"

Hold on a minute...I type into the computer...I'm not writing with a pen...

"It's just a writer's block! Treat it like a normal road block!"

"What do I do then? Stop, open my wallet, and ask the 'mata' to go drink tea?"

"Hell no! We do it Need for Speed style!"

"Which is? Block runnning?"

"It's a road block you blockhead! (Pun intended) *cough cough* How can you even run through it?"

"Then???"

"You bust through it! RAWR!! *engine revved*"

"This can not be good...."

*engine roars and car speeds off*

"I'm too young to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............."

DEATH TO WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!
*goes back to being stuck on writer's block anyway*

Kajiura Yuki good!

I recently got hooked to the music composed by Kajiura Yuki. Its more soothing, and none of the sometimes noisy J-pop/rock we hear all the time.

You can find some samples at gendou. Sorry that's all I can say. Gendou doesn't allow us to directly link to their hosted songs. There's a link to gendou on my blog's sidebar.

Random: Signum and Agito unison mode is teh haxxors! LOLOL can't wait for the subs.

3a.m update: I have a sudden urge for dimsum! I WANT DIMSUM! When are we going for dimsum again? :(

= ='

I don't really know what to talk about. Being feeling inadequate lately, unmotivated, unwanted, bla bla. Never mind that.

I finished Mai Hime today, despite FYP submission just over the corner (I'm doing my work so you shut up, whoever bitching out there).

I don't know about you, but it was quite the tear jerker. The drama was intense, it wasn't out of this world or super amazing, but it was great nonetheless. The anime asks the viewers many questions that we ponder sometimes, and shows how humans sometimes can't even understand what it is that they truly want, which I believe is very true.

Lots of deaths and people fading into nothingness, betrayal at the last few episodes, screams of fury and vengeance, and some lost their mind due to the trauma. But then when everyone suddenly comes back safe and sound at the end, it really makes you scratch your head and go "huh?"

Well, not that I mind. This world needs more happily ever afters.

Randomness

Boom!

"Its raining bras!"

"WTF? WHERE?" *looks up*

"HOLY SHI-"

Sirens can be heard.

"Hold it right there you lingerie thief!"

"ZOMG! I'm innocent!"

"Tell that to the judge you criminal!"

"NUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu~~~~~~~~"
____________________________________

Sorry, I couldn't help it. I blame my headache giving me delusions.

All my OCs so far

For lack of a better title >_>

Anyway my third Nanohaverse original character is done(?). Rawr, not that people who read this blog appreciate fan fictions much though.

Edit: For my own convenience I'm going to put everything in this post, and on my links on the side later.

Itsuki
Jean Sneijder
Sylvia Bannes

Stupidity on a whole new level

Today I was looking around, and when I saw this news, I was stunned beyond words.

Do it with me now...take one of palm...and like the anime characters...*face palm*

Oh stupidity has known a whole brand new level.

Now I understand how some people can call american football as "football" when they hardly use their foot to play the ball in the game.

Its simply one word, stupidity.

1st try

Rawr! My first time writing something else other than...never mind its explained in the forum post that I will link here.

The tome that opened a door

(Argh damn ants everywhere on my table for some reason!)

Same time zone different hours

You know as I went through the past few years, the change that's probably the most unhealthy is the hours that I keep. It's no longer "go to bed before midnight and wake up early" but has slowly changed.

Sometimes I wonder if I should come to view it as unhealthy myself, which I don't because I'm so used to it, then what or who should I blame? Should I blame myself? Should I blame SPM because of the need then to study harder and way into hours I never (then) kept before? Or should I blame tertiary education for insane assignments and datelines that forced me to stay up really long?

I'll probably never know, but one thing is for sure, I keep really late hours. Even compared to most who are classed as "night-stalkers" like me, I sleep even later than them. The average for most of that "class" of people is around 1-3am for the earlier ones and 4-5am for the later ones. I guess I'm the extreme one, usually not sleeping till its 5-7am.

The sad thing about keeping such late hours is that when it gets late, you better hope that you have some things to keep you busy, because you are going to be very much alone. Most people are no longer awake during those hours, and when I find that I have trouble with my work and want to relax, I can't find anything much to do nor anyone to talk to. Late at this kind of hours, I feel melancholic at times and the atmosphere becomes that where one starts to quiet down and think about a lot of things. Well, at least thats the way it is for me.

People always say smart people think a lot, and idiots don't bother to think. But then thinking too much isn't really all that good after all when you really think about it. Maybe not thinking too much will at least let you be a lot happier. I guess you can say an idiot doesn't think because he doesn't know much, and as they say ignorance is bliss.

Whats the point? Nothing much. I'm just feeling quite lonely here. Its 4am and there's no one to talk to. Documentation for a project is progressing but slowly, and the background write up for my character is pending as I don't have the time to work on it.

*sigh* I've always wished that there would be more hours in a day, but when you think logically it doesn't make a difference. Mankind has adapted working hours and their activities according to the 24 hours, and therefore even if there were more hours in a day that wouldn't change. Working hours would just be longer too even if you get 48 hours a day for example. About the only good thing is if the human body isn't affected and would still require the same amount of sleep (do consider that the laws of physics might change drastically if the world we live in is one that has 48 hours in a day) then overall you'd have more time to sleep, if only just.

Still I'd like to say when it comes to us humans, there is never enough time for all the things we want to do, and that's the cruel fact.

Stepping into the realm of fan creation

I recently started to write on things I've always found interesting, anime for one. Some people are really gonna start starting at me and going "otaku!" now but I really don't care. I'll say the same for the thousands of idiotic fangirls who watch those moronic sappy Korean dramas all over the world.

I joined animesuki forums recently, and the only thread I find myself a bit more active in is the fan creation sections. Original creations may come some day, but for now I'm more inclined to innovation than originality.

Anyway despite the premise of the anime not being one my friend Hakenden would be interested in, he said he wouldn't mind taking a look. So if you say so, here it is.

That's only the first, I'm gauging the response from the forumers before I post my other 3. Then if those work well, I'll probably start working on 1 or 2 more before I move to creating a fanfiction based on those and the other OCs in that creation thread. Of course I'll try and get their original creator's approval first. But in any case, one small step to another world that doesn't involve programming. I think I'll like it a lot.

Update: Since I posted the other today, I should just post it together. 2nd OC.

Growing pains

Were there ever times when you think you've stop growing? I'd like to think we never stop growing, though I certainly believe thats not always the case. Physical changes and growth take place the most during teenage years, and sometimes you hope you stop growing taller so people will stop calling you abnormal/beanstalk/whatever.

Then after your teenage years, you get your first taste of the society as you venture out of the comforts of secondary school life into tertiary education or even the work force for some. Thats the period of time I find most people experience mental growth. Its still growth, just a different type. Some people cope, but others struggle to fit in to a society they are totally not prepared to experience. I think I kind of fell into the latter group, before I started coming to grips with the things that can happen around me. I guess you could say I coped eventually, but whenever I think back I always hope that it have been earlier.

Things you learn first and for most is not to take many things at face value. To be honest the classmates we often have, we don't spend as much time around them as we do with our classmates back in school. I guess some don't find it a problem, and bond with some people really quickly, but that's not always the case for others. I started out in INTI Subang, and things were definitely not the way I thought it would be.

To be honest, I didn't form any expectations for myself. I didn't choose to be in engineering but yet because I wanted to please my parents I took it up anyway. It was tough all the way and I found that not only am I not able to cope with it, I couldn't be bothered to try harder because of my lack of interest in it. Like I said in a previous post a month or so ago, I believe that I should have took my time before venturing into tertiary education. My parents lacked qualifications of their own, and thus could never go very high in their work. I believe that was the reason why they always pushed me to study and to take up the better courses available for a better future.

Unfortunately, I'll always been rather stubborn and willful. I believed that the future is what you make of it, and if I have yet to decide what to do with it, then I'm definitely not ready to face the future. Of course back then I didn't even understand myself, all it really was "I don't like engineering but if you ask me I don't know what I want to do either". So for the sake of keeping my parents happy, I made a couple of decisions I live to regret today.

I always think what would have happened, if I were to find something I really like (which I believe now to be writing). Would I have excelled? Or my lack of effort will see me get only mediocre results despite my interest? I've never been academically sold, so I don't know. My parents used to complain that I have above average intelligence, but don't have the attitude for it. I guess I admit I can be really lazy, I scraped through many government papers with a lot less effort than most, and still got acceptable results for all of them. Incidentally, I got 3As for UPSR, PMR, and also SPM.

I never studied for UPSR at all, back then I couldn't be bothered in the slightest because I was comfortable where I was. Honestly back then, studying didn't feel necessary. If I was in a government school it would have been 3As out of 5 with the other 2 being Bs. So my mandarin was never good, I don't really care though as long as I can communicate well enough in it.

For my PMR, I only started studying one month before the actual exams started. It was more or less the same then except my parents were constantly nagging at me to study so I did.

SPM came and I started to feel a bit tensed but not enough to panic though. Of course my parents were even more worried about it than me, so I took tuition and seminars that didn't really help a whole lot. To be honest the As I got were all thanks to the excellent teachers who were teaching the particular subject, except for English, which I was always good at (I wouldn't claim to be the best though).

People around me always tell me I could do better, and maybe they were right but I could never bring myself to be interested or motivated in excelling academically.

I worry now though, reality is harsh and jobs aren't that easy to find. The scary thing is I will be entering the work force (hopefully) around early next year.

Actually I kinda deviated from what I wanted to talk about today. About growing pains, people say as you get older you started getting all kinds of sickness. For the past few years I've been having headaches consistently almost as often as once or twice a week. Sometimes its mild, sometimes it feels like my head is about to split. The latter was the case this morning, as I found out we ran out of aspirin. I slept through most of it but only for 3hours plus before it got worse. I woke up and wanted to go buy some from 7-11, but my aunt's car was blocking the exit and she was washing clothes and stuff so I didn't want to bother her. I went back to sleep and endured for another hour or so then I went and get some around 12pm. Took 2 tablets and went back to sleep, not waking up till 3pm.

Now I'm awake, but somehow feeling weak. My arms and fingers are slightly trembling, and I feel very hot. Are these symptoms or migraine? I hope not...So means for once, I slept almost 12 hours, and only because I was sick. Actually I still am, but at least my head's not throbbing anymore. So anyway, does anyone have such problems? Some people are telling me its because of my sleeping habits, but it can't be help. I wouldn't be able to sleep if I tried to, its just how I am now. I don't get tired till its early in the morning, so if I tried to sleep any earlier I'll just be wasting time being wide awake in bed.

Nevertheless I have to try to change that once I start working...won't do to be snoozing off during work. I hope my health is not getting bad or anything...sometimes it feels like my blood pressure is a bit low too and that can't be good. Well..I think I'll rest and relax a bit and work on my FYP tonight if I get better.

A fishy outing

Today I went out with a few people for dinner at Sunway Pyramid's Sushi King. Its funny how i readily agree to go out and eat at places like that with them, when I really can't afford to spend that much money. But heck its promotional period, and you don't just get to eat sushi everyday, unless you have someone at home who can make some. Yum yum!

The day was pretty boring really, the outing was probably the only thing worth noting about today. Its funny how I keep relying on an alarm clock to wake me up, when I'll just switch it off the moment it goes off. Kinda beats the purpose of having one isn't it? Every morning it goes off at the time I set, I'll let the MP3 I set as the alarm play for awhile if I half awake and it'll go into snooze mode soon, then I carry on sleeping till 10 minutes later when it sounds again. Or the alarm will wake me up from my "sleeping log" mode, I'll switch it straight off, and sleep for most likely another hour or so.

Sleep hasn't been regular for a long time, and I hope it doesn't become a problem when I start working. Sometimes I sleep 4-5 hours, and thats enough. Other times I'll wake up after 8-10 hours of sleep and I'll feel sleepy again very soon. Then every now and then I just can't sleep no matter how I toss and turn, and I just end up finding something to do to pass the time that's usually spent sleeping.

So I woke up, washed up, and switched the computer on. Its become a routine really. I have the computer on regardless whether I have something to do or not. Its when I find that there is really nothing to do, that I'll either try to find something to do or I'll just go some games on my PS2 console. Mind you I've yet to complete quite a number of games, and sometimes I wonder when I'll get to them. It's not that I got bored of them, though that happens sometimes, but I don't wanna finish it too quickly cuz I don't wanna keep buying new games whenever I finish the ones I'm playing.

Today I just decided I wanted to relax, and start going hardcore on my FYP stuff tomorrow. So I thought "why not work on my story?" Well, why not indeed. Writing I find, is a lot harder than it is. Especially coming up with a story on your own. You wanna know which writing and story presentation style best suits a genre. You wanna know what level of vocabulary and English would you like to use, to cater to that genre and your targeted readers. You'd wanna think of original or innovative plot devices, theme of story, or concepts that will keep people interested. Its a lot of work really, and I have to read a lot and do some research here and there just to accumulate general knowledge that might be useful and interesting to add into a story.

I started thinking of writing a fanfiction based on an anime over 2 months ago, and believe me or not I've just only completed writing the profiles of four originally created characters. I'll have to give them names, and give them personality. I'll dictate how they think and act, because their my characters. Then I'll have to balance that with the canon characters of the original story itself, if I do decide to include them (which I will), and that would require excellent understanding of the characters themselves.

Some people probably aren't interested in these stuff so I'll digress. In any case, its only the first draft. I'll probably post it up on a forum where people are doing character creations for that anime, and hopefully I don't get bombed too bad. Its important that a character isn't overpowered in action stories. But in all honesty I've always been told my characters are more underpowered than overpowered hehe.

Waited till 6:50pm before I left the house. Traffic jam wouldn't be that big of a problem for me anyway with the route I'm taking. Of course the set back is a total of RM 3.20 worth of toll fee back and forth. Got to Pyramid around 7:20pm and waited for the others. The queue was quite long, but I spotted Tracy near the front so I wasn't worried. I decided to wait for the slow pokes who always call people to come early but end up being the ones who are late. ^o^

By the time they came we got our seats and went in to start enjoying our RM2 per plate feast of sushi! We didn't get the seating next to the conveyor belt where they put the sushi like the last time, so it was pretty tedious to get our food. Having to stand next to the conveyor belt and waiting for the plate we want to come around. The salmon seems to be highly popular and yet there always seemed to be enough. Can't say the same for the unagi though, and ironically I don't really find it that tasty. It was a bit crazy when people started to stand around, waiting to pounce on the unagi. Then the staff annoyingly take 2 trays worth of them and hide them somewhere for who knows why.

Dinner was good overall, and our conversations mostly were about the food. Let me tell you though, talking about food can be rather boring at times. *o* Oh the thing I found interesting was the little boy sitting behind Shannon. He was at most 5 years old, and had a cute hairstyle. What I found funny was that he kept poking his head through the gap in the partition behind Jason and Shannon. I kept thinking "wahaha those 2 got a kid already." XD Too bad I couldn't snap a picture of him. He kept hiding whenever I took my phone out. *sigh* Kids these days, sometimes they are so clever.

We took a short walk around after dinner to digest our food. But by then most of the shops were already closing so we didn't really go anywhere, and of course Tracy wouldn't let Edenz anyway near the arcade. Nyahaha! Its amazing how people like to go to the arcade really, I find it a waste of time and money.

Went home after that, and I'm once again on the computer. I'll probably have nothing to do again after this blog post. *sigh* When I start working I'm gonna take Japanese language lessons at night to keep me occupied. Better that than stoning in front of the PC I guess.

Can't understand why, but I guess thats just how it is

You know how sometimes you feel a bit torn about which stance to take? Guys like to say "I don't need a gf." and you wonder if its that or that he just can't get one. Or maybe thinking that being single is not that bad and all, but now and then that pang of loneliness comes and you just hope you have a special someone to spend your time with.

Someone once said to me, humans are like that. Humans can't run away from the need of companionship. They crave attention, however little it may be. They crave recognition, for what they do. So the question is, is it wrong to lie to yourself and say you don't need that kind of companionship, even if deep down you crave for it?

I wouldn't say I crave for it, but sometimes you just wonder I guess. Its really funny how humans can be so indecisive. Maybe the perks of being single is worth being alone, but still some one to have someone to tell their funny stories to, someone you call every now and then to talk about what's going on. I guess good/best friends work too, but does it always? It might I think, I once had a friend like that, but we somehow drifted apart due to our individual lives. Kind of sad eh?

I'll be graduating in about 2 months time or so, and it really amazes me how time flew. Sometimes the passage of time can just go by like that, you blink and suddenly you're in your early twenties. Because of that, you wish you have someone by your side, recording every moment of it. Sure life is full of ups and downs, more downs for some, and more ups for some. Can't be help, this world isn't fair. Whoever told you the world will turn right side up because its round should go fly a kite, lol.

Opinions differ, that's why we have individuals. The world would be a sad sad place if everyone is the same. Imagine everyone thinking Barney is their best friend. *shudders* You get friends who say "girls are troublesome, don't bother", and friends who say "I enjoy being with my gf". Then of course you get the total opposite, singles who can't get any gf, and people who are having a hard time dealing with their gf.

Really, 22 years of living, and I honestly still don't understand how girls think. Its like what a character in a story I once read, said "just when you think you are starting to understand them, they go and do something that changes your understanding of them completely. Its like one big fun game for them, like the boys must never understand them to keep things interesting." Then when things get screwed up they blame you for not understanding them, man I seriously don't comprehend.

Its really not surprising why some people can't decide whether they want to pursue a romantic relationship or not, because of the above reasons. Guess people look at some and wonder why they can be so happy and comfortable with what they have. If you ask me, maybe they aren't any better off, its just that they learn to cope with it better and accept things as it is. An admirable trait in a human being, bordering on extinction.

So where do I go? I guess you could categorize me as one of those who can't really decide whether they are happy being single or not. I keep thinking that my graduation is nearing, time just went by like that without anyone sharing it with me.

My parents only care about the results, me graduating and getting a job, and not the process. If you want me to be honest, they failed as parents in many respects. I want to believe they try their best, but sometimes its just so hard.

My brother doesn't talk to me much, he's just like me when I was younger, friends only no family. But I guess I'm not in position to comment on that.

My best friends have drifted so far from me, and one of them doesn't even know I'm about to graduate in a few months time. Its sad really, for communication is two ways, and I'm just as guilty for not keeping in touch. I haven't made any new friends whom I can share my troubles with, and as a person I think thats sad, because when you are stressed and all you have no one to go to.

I guess this is the reason for my broodiness. Being left alone, humans grow to doubt their own worth. In the end, where will one find refuge when there is no one offering? Do my parents see my worth for what it is? Not demanding more than I can give? I feel rather uncertain about my future, when I was told to prepare my resume before I even graduate, I looked at myself and I asked what I can put in it. I came up with nothing.

I think I know how Peter Pan feels now. Growing up isn't fun, and it'll never be. But look on the bright side, at least you grow to see things more clearly. Experience teaches a lot after all, and exposure to the world for a long time is certainly the best teacher. What I hope is, life would really turn right side up for me some day. If it doesn't, I'm gonna tell the next person who gives me that bullshit to go fly a kite.

Steamyx!

Our "beloved" #1 POS ISP brings to us Steamyx! Steamyx!! The broadband connection that is bound to make you release steam like an olden day steam train! Huh? Streamyx? What can they stream? They can't stream anything if their lives depended on it!

Shitty customer service, idiotic call operators whose every answer to your problem is "reset modem/bypass splitter/check your DNS address/check your computer/*insert stupid solution here*" I'm a freaking computer literate student! I don't need your PMR educated moronic operators giving me solutions I would have tried the moment my connection goes FUBARED! ARGH!

Damn obvious they oversold their bandwidth already, but they still continue to mass promote their Steamyx! So when they got bandwidth problem what do they do? They dem clever wei! Blame teh downloaders! "20% of user consume 80% of our bandwidth" Give me cold hard evidence! Where did you get that statistic? Simply bullshit means can con your way out? Your stupid advertising says unlimited downloads! I'll download whatever I want whenever I want because thats what unlimited download means!

Throttle this throttle that, block this block that, save little itty-bitty bits of bandwidth and then continue to oversell it. Upgrade your bandwidth a littleeeeeeeeeeeee bit, and then oversell that bandwidth again! All they care about is making money without providing proper service! I'll tell you the cold hard truth, if it isn't the damn donkeys above favouring companies of the donkeys below, they would have bite the dust ages ago before anyone from Sabah even heard of Steamyx!

You know the saying that goes, "you pay peanuts you get monkeys"? Well I'll tell you we are paying abalones and getting donkeys! You want an honest opinion, I'll tell you one. This is the information age, and if they continues with that fiasco they call a broadband service, this country will not go anywhere. Stay and rot in the jungle if you want, I'm out of this country the moment I can afford to migrate.

That is my current goal for life, get out of this cow dung they call a "developing country".

The number

I've always wondered about this verse when I'm reminded or happen to read it.

"Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666."

Now why 666? My Bible knowledge sucks so I really don't know. In any case I've been reading 666 Satan, a manga many Christians would consider heresy. Basically the devil has been defeated and somehow sealed within the body of a boy.

The boy becomes evil incarnate whenever the spirit of the devil takes over. Destroying cities, killing, and atrocities; merely for the fun of it. But when you think of it, there are humans who are like that. So in a sense saying that the number of the beast is that of man, isn't really that far off if you ask me.

Speaking of which, I've always wondered about why the Harry Porter series is considered material not suitable for Christians too. I've up to the 4th volume but didn't go any further due to the fact that the plot just didn't intrigue me much. Or maybe its the English used, somehow it felt like it was targeting a much younger audience, and that I wasn't really what I liked to read. But anyway, I didn't feel that it was bad in any way, maybe I'm just clueless? Someone care to enlighten me?

By the way I don't want anyone to be mistaken that I'm into occults and stuff, because thats what people seem to call it. On a side note, I've heard of people calling themselves satanist but that they don't worship Satan. Whats the deal with that? As I was saying, I like to read up stuff that pique my interest because every single thing I read can help improve my general knowledge. I'm also trying to read a lot, but poor me can't afford a lot of books, and my favourite genre of books (fantasy) isn't been very inspirational and awe inspiring lately.

I'm working on a little fanfiction for an anime title I've watched, as a little writing project of mine. Been planning it for awhile, and doing some reading up and trying to write up my own original characters. Why? Well I'm interested in exploring whether I have talent in writing or not. Who knows, I might get to write for Otakuzone on the Sunday Star newspaper. Of course, I'm just interested, don't think I'll be able to get anywhere there soon though.

Oh why has this post gone longer than I thought it should? hmmm....I guess I'm long winded..Oh well bye-bee~~

P.S: Anime recommendation: Rozen Maiden! <--cute anime (why the heck did the story just end without a resolution...sigh...damn Peach-Pit making their fans sad)